"Your honor, I was not being influenced by the drink I had. It did not say or act in any way such that my behavior would change. Secondly, I was not driving while intoxicated. Intoxicated as defined by the dictionary literally says 'stupefied by alcohol.' that cannot have happened because at no point was I stupid."

I accidentally sat down on the bottle and shot it up my butt and GOOD DAY I SAID GOOD DAY.

*sigh *, it includes intravenous drugs.