this post was submitted on 01 Jul 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

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[–] ftbd@feddit.org 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I've seen so many of these, I forgot what the guy actually looks like

I remember him looking basically like an IASIP character who might try to turn Mac straight and ruin his marriage in the attempt

[–] kshade@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago
[–] SassyRamen@lemmy.world 57 points 2 days ago

First, I save this meme to my phone.

Second, I attempt to legally enter the US.

Third, I have all my rights revoked and get kidnapped by ICE.

Fourth, I wait and watch as the insects all get eaten before they can get to me.

See, being detained by Trump and his lizard people doesn't have to be all bad.

[–] brown567@sh.itjust.works 16 points 2 days ago

Rapidly dig a small hole in the ground and resolve to place a donkey in it. This is now my "ass hole"

Then run away as fast as possible to survive the impending insect plague

[–] TimeNaan@lemmy.world 37 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Buy lifelong supply of wine corks.

[–] shneancy@lemmy.world 38 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

without a base without a trace

just get yourself a lifetime supply of buttplugs like a responsible adult

[–] Havald@lemmy.world 10 points 3 days ago

What I can't see can't hurt me

[–] Rooskie91@discuss.online 33 points 3 days ago

Get an only fans page and cash in on people's weird fetishes.

[–] Derpenheim@lemmy.zip 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Try not to finish too quickly

[–] WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

People like you are what makes the world a unique and beautiful place.

[–] GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 days ago

I think your username is more appropriate here

[–] Yareckt@lemmynsfw.com 1 points 1 day ago

Maybe I can keep riding trains until most of them have died from exhaustion.

[–] DeceasedPassenger@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Immediately kill myself as quick as possible. That's genuinely one of my worst fears is being entered by a bug. I have an obsessive habit of wiping the inside/underneath the lip of the toilet every time I use it just in case there could be a spider. There has never been a spider. Yet I'm compelled to do it every single time.

[–] Cordyceps@sopuli.xyz 6 points 2 days ago

Lucky you, I just imagine one of those hawaiian centipedes snuggly chilling there and looking for a home

[–] halvar@lemy.lol 1 points 1 day ago

who needs insects up their assholes i got fucking mosquitoes trying to kill me just here

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] trum_pam_pam@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] halvar@lemy.lol 1 points 1 day ago

are you my mommy?

[–] gratux@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 3 days ago (2 children)
[–] hoch@lemmy.world 15 points 3 days ago

E-stim version doubles as a bug zapper

[–] thespcicifcocean@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

do you really need the threat of butthole bugs to wear a butt plug though?

[–] BagOfHeavyStones@piefed.social 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] HowAbt2day@futurology.today 3 points 2 days ago

What part of the gecko are gonna glue to that dainty taint?

[–] Blackout@fedia.io 12 points 3 days ago

Charge them rent and use that money to buy a social media company.

[–] Soapbox@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 day ago

I guess I'm going to live in a beekeeper suit treated with permethrin.

[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Im always that guy but i would go to some kind of official or something so they csn investigate it because thats some freaky shit. Also to not ruin the whole fucking ecosystem of earth id guess theres a range on it? Thats what i would try to figure out so i can keep em out. Of course if i dont act in time and/or fail to accomplish my mission to keep em out of my ass i would just violently fucking kill myself. Its not worth it to live with fucking bugs in your ass.

Well, enough insects out there are venomous/poisonous so you probably wouldn't survive long anyway.

[–] tino@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago

Fight back. Eat chili.

[–] Adulated_Aspersion@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Sit back, relax, and enjoy myself.

[–] MrShankles@reddthat.com 1 points 1 day ago
[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 days ago

Die for a good cause to spare Earth from the immediate ecological collapse of all bugs going to one place.

[–] loomy@lemy.lol 4 points 2 days ago
[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Station my chameleon by my booty and prepare to shoot myself in the face.

Imagine every insect that can walk, crawl, or fly bombarding your dwelling. Fuck it, throw arachnids in there as well. They will find a way in, you will be covered head-to-toe in swarming insects of 1,000 varieties.

Depending on where you live, you got a hour, maybe a whole day. But they'll eventually break the windows and doors. At that time, your ass will belong to them.

In other news, I'm considering a new horror short.

[–] db2@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

A great deal of what we'd call insects outside of the scientific community are so small you can either barely see them or can't see them at all unaided. The larger bugs would be getting sloppy seconds.

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

Formiphilia is like the worst fetish...🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮

[–] peteypete420@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 days ago

Start by switching from boxers to briefs.

[–] FQQD@lemmy.ohaa.xyz 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] MrShankles@reddthat.com 2 points 1 day ago

Damn, I just responded to a comment with the exact same thing. Great minds I guess

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 days ago

Enjoy my last day on earth with a citronella candle up my ass

[–] monogram@feddit.nl 5 points 3 days ago

Buy a dilator

Start an only fans, some freaks out there and I’m finna get rich

[–] Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Take a looong bath.

Insects can’t survive under water

[–] Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

I choked on my coffee when this scrolled on screen.

[–] I_Has_A_Hat@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

Wear pants.

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