I've had the opposite experience. A few year ago a bunch of the guys I hung out with in college got together at a Wurstfest (German festival every November in Bew Braunfels, Texas), and got super drunk. All the married guys were talking about how they just loved their wives so much.

It was super wholesome.

I remember seeing here on Lemmy a while back that a good boyfriend/girlfriend is a best friend where there is also an erotic angle.

one is even convinced that I’m gonna get divorced just because he did and views all marriages that way

Classic Divorced Guy

there is one friend in the group who agrees with me that our wives are our best friends and soulmates

Wife and I joke about how we can never get divorced because it would be too awkward when we kept hanging out as friends.

But we also have a friend couple that did get divorced, and still hang out regularly on very good terms.

I work in IT. Every time more than a handful of IT folks get together the talk always turns towards how shitty their wives are/were before the divorce.

Or the wife is framed as someone who keeps them from buying tech stuff ("I'd like to upgrade my homelab, but the purchasing department keeps turning me down! Har har").

I'm just sitting here with a lovely wife who trusts me to spend money on what we need to keep the tech stuff working.

My best friend was convinced that my ex wanted to get pregnant even though we'd been together for years and she had zero desire to have children. Nothing I said convinced him. I really don't get it because it's just not that uncommon anymore for people to not want kids.

Open, honest communication is the foundation for ANY healthy long term relationship. Spousal, friendship, family, all of it. It genuinely baffles me how many people don't seem to get what that means. It doesn't mean you need to be perfect. It means you need to approach tension in your relationship in good faith and with intent to fix it as a team, not as an excuse to shirk responsibility and blame others. Even if it isn't your fault. Blame itself does not offer solutions.

As a 100% polyamorous person, most folks first instinct is to ask me how I can manage it without getting jealous and are shocked to hear that, if anything, I feel orders of magnitude less jealousy than I would in an exclusive relationship. The problems they usually cite are problems that would be just as bad if not worse with monogamy, as evidenced by how many peoe cheat in monogamy. Their gut reaction is to imagine it as some sort of cuckold/cuckuean humiliation ritual when it really just comes down to the fact that I'm not perfect, I accept that fact and I want the ones I love to maximize the love they feel by seeking what I can't provide from others. It's such a burden off my chest. I can love my wife in the ways I do best and just be happy with that.

I kinda lost track what I was talking about I'm a bit sleep deprived. But I'm happy you and your wife are flourishing and I hope any changes to come only serve to strengthen that 💚🐿️

Hot take: venting about the person you live with doesn't mean you'll be venting about people you hang out with occasionally.

But it would be good to discuss your issues with the person face to face, regardless if it's a friend, roommate, or spouse.

I fucked up a meal so bad thinking I was doing good, I literally didn't have to cook for the first decade of my marriage. We've been happily married for over 21 years now, I think the best friend and always wanting her to have the best life she could helped the most.

Took many years but I did eventually realize the best thing might in fact be the thing she suggests over the logical answer, but people really can get better with time.

Wow, you really know how to give compliments.

This is quite a male take. Women don't really complain about this and it isn't anywhere near comparable to not helping with housework.

Besides, we need to normalize talking about competent partners. So many women I know are in terrible relationships because they've convinced themselves that all men are awful.

This is funny, but if my wife did this, I would be devastated.

Please don't be alarmed, but I am finding out where you live and coming round for my tea.