this post was submitted on 25 May 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

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3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

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4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

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5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

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6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

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[–] Washedupcynic@lemm.ee 28 points 6 days ago (11 children)

With the snap of my fingers I can instantly cause the death of authoritarian dictators.

[–] rmuk@feddit.uk 60 points 6 days ago (1 children)

You're one of those people who can't click their fingers.

[–] Aksamit@slrpnk.net 10 points 6 days ago

This is the funniest answer. I vote it wins.

[–] mudstickmcgee@sh.itjust.works 15 points 6 days ago (1 children)

But every time someone worse takes their place

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[–] wewbull@feddit.uk 8 points 6 days ago

As someone who can command the end of other people's lives on a whim, you also qualify. Snapping your fingers ends your life too.

[–] nichtsowichtig@feddit.org 9 points 6 days ago (3 children)

you lose the finger you're snapping. So you can only kill up to 9 dictators.

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[–] Mr_Dr_Oink@lemmy.world 19 points 6 days ago (8 children)

The power to negate side effects of any kind. :]

[–] Jhogenbaum@leminal.space 19 points 6 days ago (3 children)
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[–] Jumi@lemmy.world 20 points 6 days ago (10 children)

Be able to transform into animals

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 34 points 6 days ago (3 children)

The transformation takes about a week each way. So you have a lot of awkward time where you've got furry privates and horrible clawed hands while you wait for the change to complete.

[–] fellowmortal@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Oh you had to go there - Op becomes the most successful account on patreon.

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[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 15 points 6 days ago (12 children)

Not having to sleep. You can just be awake 24/7 without the usual cognitive decline or feelings of being tired.

[–] itslilith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 30 points 6 days ago (1 children)

You still dream, though. At times, it becomes hard to distinguish between reality and your nightmares

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 10 points 6 days ago

Oh.... Oh no.

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[–] GusTheBard@midwest.social 8 points 6 days ago (2 children)

The outcome I most want, when random chance is involved, will always occur if I first say the words "hoodoo moogoo"

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[–] nichtsowichtig@feddit.org 14 points 6 days ago (7 children)
[–] ForgottenUsername@lemmy.world 14 points 6 days ago (3 children)

You ward everyone away with your constant bad body odor

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[–] Estebiu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 6 days ago

Your power only applies to interacteons with animals.

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[–] livingcoder@programming.dev 7 points 6 days ago (5 children)

I can pause time in order to write as much code as I want without interruption.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 22 points 6 days ago (4 children)

Stack overflow won't load while time is paused.

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[–] _LordMcNuggets_@feddit.org 10 points 6 days ago (15 children)
[–] tweeks@feddit.nl 18 points 6 days ago (1 children)

But you get rusty in moist environments; when you urinate you slowly rot away your urethra.

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[–] biggerbogboy@sh.itjust.works 11 points 6 days ago (1 children)

you have an iron deficiency

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[–] DrunkAnRoot@sh.itjust.works 8 points 6 days ago (4 children)

i can delete one square meter wnywhere in the world and it just deletes the matter that was there

[–] nichtsowichtig@feddit.org 34 points 6 days ago (1 children)

as you specified a square meter and not cubic meter, you only delete an infinitly thin plane of matter, rendering your superpower useless

[–] Brown5500@sh.itjust.works 10 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Really really good at cutting things in half though. I think it still counts as a super power

[–] Sal@mander.xyz 9 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Unfortunately the universe consists of mostly empty space and the infinitely thin cut passess between sub-atomic particles, barely tickling the vacuum fluctuations

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